Chez Shaffner

Friday, January 05, 2007

Wild Hogs and Mall Hair

It seems there’s a wild hog story everywhere these days.

Until a year ago, I lived a simpler life, one where the phrase “feral hogs” had never fallen from my lips. And then I read an article in The New Yorker (December 12, 2005) by Ian Frazier, that provided more information than you can imagine regarding the grave problem facing America—the proliferation of wild boars. (Mr. Frazier also took time to note that if you plot the population density of feral hogs on a blue to red scale, with red being those areas most heavily populated, you’ll end up with a map closely mapping to the 2004 Presidential Election – funny stuff). If you can dig up the issue, I recommend it highly. Feral pigs are a national menace!

The big news out of Georgia is that a local man killed a giant boar that may be (or may not be) the world-famous Hogzilla. Check out the CNN video (if the link doesn’t work right, go to http://www.cnn.com and search for it).

My favorite part of the whole thing is the teen boy who says that this dead hog “feels like a girl wearing hairspray.” Wow. I shudder to think of what his girlfriend looks like. I grew up in rural Maine during the late 80’s and early 90’s, so I’ve seen my fair share of “mall hair” (one girl in my senior yearbook lists her nickname as “the girl with the hair”). It’s safe to say that I never thought to compare that hair to a 1,100 lb. pig carcass hanging from a maple.