Chez Shaffner

Monday, January 08, 2007

Brown Bag Lunch

Above: Portrait of the artist when called on during group discussion or writing workshop…

Tomorrow I’m going to an event around the corner at Grub Street. As their weekly newsletter, the Grub Street Rag, puts it: “Bring your lunch and come on over to Grub Street for a Brown Bag Writing Workshop. In 45 jam-packed minutes, you’ll meet fellow writers and get your creative juices flowing with some great writing exercises.”

I’m kind of a novice when it comes to these kinds of events. Although the binder on the desk contains 400 manuscript pages, writing workshops terrify me.

If I had to guess, I’d say that my friends, family, and former colleagues would characterize me as talkative, loud, and sometimes overbearing. But in a classroom situation I freeze. Several weeks ago, while sorting through old boxes in my basement, I unearthed a cache of papers from college. In the comments on a paper about Dreiser I found the following: “Great ideas, wish you’d express them more often in class.” Similar comments peppered my weekly response papers across the spectrum of disciplines, from sociology to economics to literature. In fact, when I examined syllabi for potential classes, I eliminated any that weighted class participation more than 5%. For four years in Cambridge, whenever I did conceive something insightful, sweat erupted from my palms. By the time I spat my brilliance into the air, it came out so mangled that it seldom (never) prompted the oohs and ahhs I desired. I retreated into terrapin ritual.

In May 2006, my first week as a consultant, one of the clients wondered to a colleague whether I was capable of speaking. By the time I parted ways with that client three years later, she could not believe she could ever said such a thing. It has never been a problem at work in seven years. As a result, until recently I thought myself cured of stage fright. If only I could go back to college now, what a sparkling contributor I’d be!

And then I went to the Grub Street Brown Bag lunch in December.

The exercises were fun enough (hey, I’m going back, aren’t I?). There was an opening line (I couldn’t believe what I saw) and every two minutes she gave us a word we had to use (e.g., black, hose). It was liberating to let my pencil fly, especially since I’m so accustomed to composing on the computer. After twenty minutes, she switched us over to another exercise. Basically, start with “I remember” and run with it. She endorsed it as an effective block-breaker, and I might even use it that way if the need arises.

But then she wanted us to read. I never know whether it’s better to make gratuitous eye contact or to exaggeratedly avoid eye contact. Seems like different instructors respond differently. I chose to make eye contact, and when she asked me to read, I said no. The shock on her face was worth the price of admission (that’s $0, in case I failed to mention it). “No?” I gave in, reading four lines of unedited crap.

Tomorrow I hope to read the nerve to recite five lines. Ought to conquer that fear sooner or later, don’t you think?

Labels: Writing

3 Comments:

At 9:06 AM, Veritas99 said...: Seriously, that was it? That whole time we could have gotten you to shut up by inviting your TFs over to hang out? Damn.

What are you worried about at a free writers workshop anyway? Most likely the group consisted of you and: a) uneducated barrista-types who think they have a perfect novel/script idea; b) homemakers who found out J.K. Rowling's backstory, watched too much Oprah, and decided they could do it too, and; c) a smattering of people who can actually write coherent sentences.

Of this motley crew, you should only be embarrassed by the disdain from those occupying the "c" group. That said, based on your admission elsewhere on this site that you're pushing 2 bills and are back in the gym, I bet you could kick their asses if they laughed at you, so I'm sure they won't say anything mean. See, absolutely nothing to fear.
At 9:35 AM, Shaffner said...: Yup, that would have done it. I would have been quiet as a doormouse.

Also, I didn't say my fears were in the least bit rational. Maybe someday I'll even overcome them...

Based on your profiling of the writing group, I have to wonder whether you've been sneaking out of the office to some clandestine writer's group somewhere.

However, I think there are a lot more than a smattering of good writers in most of these groups. Every day I'm suprised by how many really talented people there are out there. That's what makes publishing such a tough nut to crack...
At 10:08 AM, Veritas99 said...: Definitely not trying to belittle your craft, writing ain't easy. Getting it published has got to be infinitely worse.

As for your writing group phobia, I must admit that I share in your sentiment. We have Bryan Garner (who is basically responsible for all significant legal writing works in our field) come through once a year for a workshop. We do similar exercises to yours and then read our results out loud. What makes it worse is that your peers and (occasionally) superiors get to listen and comment. No pressure there.

Plus, we have to anonymously submit a longer piece we wrote ahead of time, and then he will pick some to use as examples (mostly of what not to do) during the workshop. Sure enough, my first year he picks my submission to critique. Some positives, but primarily an awkward and painful afternoon.